Happy Birthday Morgan!

My baby is 2!
It is a sad, but exciting day.
She's growing up so fast.
Looking back at pictures from the past two years, I realized a few things:

1. Morgan loves nookies.
2. Morgan also loves naps.
3. Morgan has taken many of those naps in bleachers.
4. Morgan is a very happy girl. She also makes many people very happy every single day.

Happy birthday, baby Morgan.
We love you.
Click below for a look back at how Morgan has grown and changed.

Free picture slideshow generated with Smilebox

One of those women

I vowed I would never become one of those women.

You know, the women who let themselves go.

The women who spend every waking moment taking care of their kids, and never have time for themselves.

The women who are exhausted, and it shows.

Turns out, I am one of those women.

In fact, because I never do anything half-assed, I think I've actually raised the bar when it comes to being one of those women.

Obviously, this is not something I'm proud of.

It makes me want to puke, actually.

What happened to the Jody that went out with friends for a drink?

I remember a Jody who played city league sports - both basketball and volleyball.

Once upon a time, this Jody even went out for occassional lunches with friends.

Unfortunately, that Jody is gone.

I sure hope she comes back someday because I really don't like the woman who has taken her place.

Oh wait, that's me.

Crap.

I haven't played sports for five years. I think I went out for a beer with a friend about three weeks ago (and got texts from my babysitter the whole two hours I was gone... "Mom..when are you coming home?". Pretty much ruined the evening for me.) And lunch... hell, I don't even eat lunch most days. There's no time. I should be skinny, for a little as I eat. Unfortunately, skinny Jody has left the building too. And my hair - don't even go there. It looks like shit.

How did this happen?

I swore it wouldn't happen to me.

But, as I look at the schedule for next week, it dawns on me why it happened.

There are simply not enough hours in a day.

I would love, love, love to spend an hour at the gym every day. I would feel so much better about myself, about the way I look, and about my life. But when am I supposed to get there? Between work, the little girls, and the taxi service I run for the big kids, there just isn't enough time. And, just like those women, I wouldn't dream of spending an hour on myself.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I would be a much better mother if I did things I want to do once in awhile. If I could do them without the overwhelming sense of guilt I get now, that would be even better. It's not just the gym. I have closets full of "projects" I want to do.. Projects that I enjoy. Projects that are relaxing to me. I haven't touched them in months.

So what is the answer?

Damned if I know.

All I know is I'm tired of being one of those women.

I love my kids, like my job, and don't even mind running a taxi service.

I'd just really, really like the old Jody back.

Saying Goodbye

Five years ago, Brad and I sat the kids down at the kitchen table and asked them to help us make a very important decision:

Should we get a second dog, or have another baby?

We voted, and decided to get a puppy.

A few weeks later, Windsor joined our family (two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with Lizzy, but that's a story for another day).

Lexi and Windsor - July 2006

Lexi, Jake and Windsor - July 2006

Brad and baby Windsor - July 2006

Windsor was the cutest, sweetest, fattest puppy ever. We loved him immediately. Bob, on the other hand, wasn't so sure about sharing his kennel, and his family. Eventually, Uncle Bob accepted (or at least tolerated) his nephew, Windsor.

Windsor never mastered the art of pheasant hunting like hs uncle, much to Brad's disappointment.  But, we loved him anyway, overbite and all. Unfortunately, city life wasn't for Windsor. He barked a lot. He dug holes in the yard. We yelled a lot. This was not the life we wanted for our sweet puppy.

John and Windsor - August 2011

About  year ago, we sent him to the farm. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. We planned to take him back once our lives settled down and once he settled down a little. But, Windsor quickly won the hearts of my dad and brother. While they often joked about bringing him home, we knew Windsor would never come home. He loved the farm. He was a different, calmer, happier dog there.

The kids talked about him a lot. Lizzy often mentioned how much she missed Windsor.

Little did we know when we last visited the farm in August, we'd never see him again.

Duke and Windsor - the royal dogs of the Shea farm

Windsor died today.

I knew as soon as I heard my dad's voice on the phone.

Dad called to tell us that Windsor got run over this afternoon. Dad carried him to the shop, to inspect his wounds and make him comfortable. Windsor was having a hard time breathing, but his tail never stopped wagging. Even in pain, he was a happy dog.

John got to say goodbye to him, and for that I am grateful. I only wish my kids could have hugged him one last time, and I could have yelled at him to be quiet one final time. I feel terrible that my dad had to deal with all of this. But, I am so glad Windsor got to spend the past year at the farm. It was the best year of his life.

Between the tears and the sadness, Lexi, Jake and I talked about how happy we were for Windsor. He died while running at the farm - his very favorite thing to do.

He may have also helped Lexi through a very difficult time. She and her best friend have been having a tough couple of weeks, and haven't talked for a long time. It's been really hard on Lexi, but when she heard the news about Windsor, her first instinct was to text her best friend. They texted back and forth a bit, and her BFF told her "I'm here if you need to talk". Lexi said that text brought tears to her eyes because the BFF fight is now over.

Saying goodbye to a pet is never easy, but for Lexi, saying goodbye to Windsor helped her get her best friend back. And that's proof that dogs really are a man's (and a 12 year old girl's) best friend.

John and Windsor

Windsor the farm dog

Jake, Lizzy, John and Windsor

A Bad Mom Day

Most days, I think I'm a pretty good mom.

Then, there are days like today.

Today, I'm pretty sure I'm the world's worst mom.

I can't but wonder what happened to all the good things I've taught my kids.

Today, I saw none of the good.

But I saw lots of bad.

Lying.

Arguing.

Complaining.

Terrible behaviors. The kicker - it was the big kids acting so awful. I kind of expect it from the toddler and the preschooler. Not from the 10 year old and the 12 year old. Not from my "easy" first born.

But that's the thing about motherhood.

It's a tough job.

The toughest there is, if you ask me.

And just when you think you've got it mastered, bam. They hit you when you're least expecting it, with the most unexpected behaviors.

I lost my cool.

For that, I am sorry.

No mother should yell at her children, but sometimes it just happens.

And on this day, it may just have been for the best.

After my meltdown, everyone was suddenly very sorry for how they had acted, for what they had said, and how they had treated each other.

A miracle.

I'm just sorry that so much of our day was wasted with fighting.

I know it's just one day.

But that's kind of the point - everyday should count.

We should live everyday like it's our last.

Everyday should have a "good part".

Today, there were very few good parts.

But, as I write this, I realize there may have been more good than I originally thought: we're all healthy, the cupboards are full, the bills are paid, and we have each other.

Life is good.
 
Tomorrow is a new day - and I am confident it will be a good day.

Because no one deserves two "bad mom days" in a row....

Quality Family Time

I'm kind of a nerd about eating supper together as a family.

It's how I was raised, and while I hated it at the time, now as a mom myself, I see the value. So we make it a point to eat together as much as possible. It's difficult in the summer, because of Brad's work schedule and it's proving to be even tougher now that the big kids are busy with football and volleyball practice.

Still, I cook and when the majority of the family is home, we eat together. The rest eat as they get home, and usually we all end up at the kitchen table again while they eat.

It' just a great time to catch up with each other - it's when I find out what was for lunch at school, what happened in science class, and what the kids have for homework.

And at times, like tonight, it gets a little silly.

Check out the videos from tonight's "quality family time" around the supper table:

Still, as crude, disgusting, goofy and just plain weird as things can get I wouldn't trade this time together for anything.

Except for maybe a cleaning lady.

End of Summer

Summer is, for all practical purposes, over.

I realize that the calendar says summer lasts until September 23.

And yes, we may sneak in one more quick camping trip, an afternoon at the lake, and a Friday night campfire.

But, in reality, summer is over.


School starts tomorrow.

Football started on Sunday.

Volleyball started on Monday.


I've spent much of this week driving.


And waiting.

And we haven't even left Bismarck.

But there's a bright side to all this driving and waiting.

I've finally had time catch up on some reading (even finished one book already!). I've also had time to think about what a great summer we had, despite a rocky start.  Here are some of the highlights:

• Cousin Time - Jake, Lizzy and Morgan spent ten days with the Brist cousins. Ok, it was because of the flooding in Bismarck and my crazy work hours, but on the bright side, they got away from the sandbagging and got to spend time with their cousins. Jenn spoiled them with trips to the pool, Storybook Land, and the zoo.
• Fast Pitch Softball - This was Lexi's first season of fast pitch. It was a difficult season - the weather did not cooperate, which meant most games were cancelled. But she still had fun and learned she likes more sports than just basketball. She even promised to play again next year, in exchange for a pair of cleats!
• Minnesota - We made several trips to Minnesota throughout the summer. The kids and I headed east in June to escape the flood for a weekend. We spent a night with Kileigh in Fargo (we visited Fargo's zoo for the first time ever and the big kids got to go to a Redhawks game) then a night with Chrissy in Minnesota. We played in the lake, built sand castles, road four wheeler and fell in love with their puppies (but did NOT bring one home!). Lizzy went back a few weeks later for another fun day with Chrissy and Shane and Lexi spent a few days with the "fun" cousin in August. We love spending time with Chrissy and Shane, and wish they lived closer, but we would definitely miss their lake if they moved!
• The Black Hills - Some people called me crazy. They may be right. But sometimes it's good to be crazy. I took all four kids to the Black Hills for four days and three nights of camping. In a tent.  We had a blast. Really. I think it was the best part of the summer for all of us. We did the tourist thing - visited Bear Country, Mt. Marshmallow (aka Mt. Rushmore), Dinosaur Park, Storybook Island, spent a day at the waterslides and drove on a windy road through the Hills for a picnic. We swam every night at the campground, cooked supper over the campfire, and enjoyed each other's company in the great outdoors. We got sunburned. We lost our shampoo and conditioner (all five of us had to use Morgan's baby shampoo after the first day). We packed only bubblegum toothpaste (which actually isn't that bad.. I might even prefer it to mint flavor). We also made some amazing memories. I truly believe this will be one of those experiences my kids talk about well into their old age.
• Garrison Dam - We had to do it. We had to witness history. Brad and I went with friends (on the Harley!) on July 4th. When I realized how impressive it really was to see the spillway completely open, I knew I had to take the kids. They were totally unimpressed, except for the restaurant in Riverdale - THAT impressed them. Still, someday, they'll be glad I took them. And they've got the pictures to prove they were there, witnessing history.
• Kerzman Mini-Reunion - The kids make fun of how small my family is, especially after a Kerzman family event. This summer we attended a "mini" reunion of the Kerzmans - just the 15 brothers and sisters and their families. Not everyone was there, but the farm was still hoppin'. We had a blast spending time with relatives we don't see very often, and those we see everyday too!
• McDowell Dam - With the river off limits, we decided to check out McDowell Dam, just east of Bismarck. It had been years since I had been there. But we were pleasantly surprised. The kids, Tess and cousin Madi and I spent a beautiful July day in the water. Ducky Mo-Mo and Ducky Stupid were born... and those floaties (and that joke) carried us through the rest of the summer.
• Harmon Lake - We also decided to explore Harmon Lake, north of Mandan. The kids and I, and Lexi's friend Taylor, camped one night, and despite not being able to get the campfire started, locking the keys in the van, Morgan not going to sleep, and the tent pole breaking in the middle of the night, it was a great night. We spent the next day at the beach. Taylor left, but Tess joined us and the kids made an amazing sand castle. Bad weather forced us to pack up camp that nigh, but we returned the next day, with Tess' parents and the Kaludts and spent one more night in our tent. There's nothing better than cooking over a campfire, visiting with good friends and sleeping on an air mattress. Seriously. I love camping.

There are so many other things we did this summer that made it so special. I wish I would have kept track of the miles I put on.... we were constantly driving somewhere. And when we were home, we had backyard campfires, lots of smores and laughs. Lexi discovered duct tape, and started her own duct tape business. She played basketball all summer long too. She also got a little addicted to daytime television. Jake, meantime, got a little addicted to staying up late and sleeping in until 10:00. He spent ten days at my parent's farm, and even learned to drive! The little girls were good about tagging along and keeping up with the big kids. 


The pictures really do tell the story, and to me, the pictures from this summer are worth more than any words.

Vacation in the Black Hills with my favorite kids





Our first visit to Fargo's zoo



Fast Pitch



Jake and Morgan at Harmon Lake

One of the hundreds of smores we made this summer

Lizzy and Ducky Mo-Mo

The most amazing sand castle ever

Jake and Ducky Stupid

Soaking up the sun at Chrissy's

Garrison Dam - This is history, kids

But there are so many other things we didn't do.

We didn't go to the Y very much.

We didn't go on a single family bike ride.

We only went to the libray twice.

I kinda want a couple more weeks of summer vacation, just to squeeze it all in.

But it doesn't matter what I want. School starts tomorrow, whether I'm ready or not. 

And the more I think about that, the more I'm ok with it. In fact, I'm kinda excited about it.

Because while Jake and Lexi are at school, the little girls and I will play.

We'll go to the park, the library, the Y.

We'll have at least two hours everyday, after I'm done with work and before the big kids are done with school, to do whatever we want.

So while summer may be over, the fun is far from over for the little girls and me.

And so I say, bring on fall!

Birth Order of Children

A co-worker of mine gave this to me. It's hilarious, and so true.... but I can't help but wonder... what about baby number four?? Forgotten, again? Poor Morgan :(
*******************
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

1st baby: You change your baby's diaper every hour, whether she needs it or not.
2nd baby: You change your baby's diaper every two or three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change her diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to her knees.

1st baby: You take your baby to baby gymnastics, baby swing and baby story hour.
2nd baby: You take your baby to bab gymnastic.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarkert and the dry cleaner.

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby:  You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

1st baby:  You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

1st baby: When first child swallows a coin, you rush her to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd baby: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd baby: When the third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from her allowance.
***It is worth noting that none of my first three children swallowed a coin... Morgan holds that claim to fame. And I have to admit, I kind wished the penny she swallowed would have come out a quarter! Paying for four kids gets expensive! :)