Terrible Two's

I think it may be time to hire a cleaning lady. Or a nanny. Or maybe it's time to invest in a straight jacket for Lizzy. This child is a walking disaster. She has no fear, knows what she wants, and if no one will help her, she will just do it herself. "Me do" and "me too" are her two favorite sentences.

Here's what I've discovered about my youngest child just this week:

1. Lizzy now knows how to unlock (and lock) the deadbolt on the front door. I know this because I nearly ran over her when I tried to leave the other day..she had sneaked out the front door while I was backing out of the garage. Brad figured she couldn't get out, because the door was locked and deadbolted. Today, when I asked Lexi to shut and lock the front door, Lizzy pushed her aside and did it herself. "Me do!" A nanny could just follow her around all day and make sure she's safe at all times.

2. Lizzy is perfectly capable of opening a jar of pickles all by herself. She did this this morning, and in the process managed to spill all the pickle juice on the kitchen floor...but, she got a pickle, and that's all she really wanted. Hence, the thought that maybe I should hire a cleaning lady. I can't stand the smell of pickles. Although, it is covering the lingering smell of burnt toast from last week's fire quite nicely.

3. Lizzy should not be allowed to jump in church (this is where the straight-jacket comes in). I was a very brave mother and took her to church just the two of us on Sunday..no big kids to entertain her, no dad to give her "the look". She was pretty good through most of mass, until the baptism...that's when she decided she needed to go potty. I'm determined to get this kid potty trained before baby number four arrives, so we crawled over a few people and went to the bathroom. She didn't go, but she did wash her hands in each of the three sinks. I finally got her to return to our seats by telling her it was time to take her money up to Father Gene for the children's offering. She ran back to our pew, grabbed her dollar, and shyly asked the people beside us to let her through. Then she ran down the aisle. But, Father Gene thought all the kids were done, so he turned around. Someone must have caught his attention, because he came back to get Lizzy's money, but by that time she'd already given it to an usher, and ran past our seats. Eventually she found her way back to me and I was doing a little celebrating...we'd almost made it through church with no meltdowns. After communion she was standing on the kneeler, shaking her head, then jumping. I put my hand down to protect her head if she hit it on the pew...but somehow she managed to smack her lip anyway. She screamed like I've never heard her scream. That's when I saw the blood. Her face was covered with blood, from a tiny cut on the inside of her lip. I think a straight-jacket would have prevented this accident.

Here's the scariest part...the week is young... I am afraid to find out what else this two year old has in store for me!