Friday, November 19, 2010

Morgan is One

This is the post I have been dreading. The one I have been procrastinating for over a week. The one that just doesn't seem possible.

This is the post where I wish my baby a happy first birthday.

Can you believe it?

Baby Morgan is one.

She's actually been one for about eight days now, but it's taken me this long to come to terms with that. It was one of those things that wasn't "real" until it was written.

The year flew by. Really. The older I get, the faster the years go. It honestly seems like just yesterday we were contemplating going to the hospital, or waiting it out at home for awhile longer. I blinked...and was transported from the seclusion of the hospital room (remember last year's H1N1 scare? No visitors were allowed at the about lonely!) to the chaos of Morgan's first birthday party.

I have been blessed to witness most of Morgan's milestones during this first year. Thanks to a flexible job and an understanding husband, and despite an uncomfortably low checkbook balance, I've been able to work less and spend more time hanging out with Morgs (and the other three, too!). All the milestones I missed with my other babies, I got to experience this time. That feels good.

I needed to experience those milestones. Because now, I finally feel like our family is complete. I know I've said that before, but this time I mean it. This sweet baby has been a blessing to us, and she completes our family. She is the bookend, the baby, the one we didn't know we were missing until now, when we can't remember what we did without her.

Yet, as sure as I am that Morgan is our last baby, I still can't bring myself to get rid of the baby things. 

I haven't nursed her for eight days, and haven't pumped for ten days. But the breast pump is still out, still plugged in even. The bottles are still in the cupboard, where they are taking up valuable space. I think about throwing them away everyday, but doing so seems so final. I can't do it. But I have no problem giving her whole milk in a sippy cup. I'm ready to be done with the whole nursing/pumping thing, but I just can't take the final steps.

It took until yesterday, exactly one week after her birthday, to turn her carseat from rear facing to forward facing. I thought of it even before her birthday, but I had a million excuses as to why it could wait. I finally mentioned it to Brad, and he turned it around immediately. She's much happier sitting forward, but it still makes me sad.

Lovin' the smash cake!

The same is true with this birthday blog. I've been thinking about writing it for weeks, but until now, just couldn't make myself do it.

Morgan is one.

She is walking, giggling, waving bye-bye and charming everyone she meets. She is a good girl and her smile is contagious.

Turning one is a huge milestone. We had a party. We had cake (for breakfast and for lunch and for supper). It was a great day.

There will be many more birthdays, each one just as bittersweet. But I'm ready.....just as soon as I throw those bottles away......

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