A Day Off

It's 11:36 pm and everyone is finally asleep.

The silence is golden.

It's been a day.

There was no school today and Jake had a dentist appointment too, so it seemed like a good idea to take the whole day off.

As I think about today, I'm thinking I should have just gone to work.

It would have been easier.

The day began with tears and angry words between Lexi and me. That was strange, because she is usually so easy to get along with. She didn't want to babysit the little girls while I took Jake to the dentist. I didn't want to take the little girls to the dentist and try to make them behave for an hour. Lexi was so adamant about not watching them, I angrily put them into the van and left without even saying good bye. They must have sensed my anger, because they were suprisingly well-behaved at the dentist. And so was Jake. Lexi and I both calmed down, and were back to normal by the time I got home.

The thing is, I know exactly where she's coming from. She's like the second mom to the little girls. It's exhausting and it's not fair. None of her friends have to babysit their little brothers or sisters. I probably take advantage of her. I promised her I would work on that, and she promised me she wouldn't act like a spoiled brat ever again.

Onto the next frustration of the day. While we were waiting in the dentist's office, I noticed something in the hood of Jake's new Duke sweatshirt. Upon closer examination, I realized he had written his name in the hood of his sweatshirt. Where it could be seen. In permament marker. I was so mad. He did the same thing to his new Duke t-shirt yesterday... wrote his name in permament marker on the back of his shirt. He explained that he didn't want to lose either, and the tags weren't big enough to write on. To him, it made perfect sense. To me, he ruined two brand new pieces of clothing. But, after he promised never to do that again, I am over it. As a friend pointed out, at least it's not a tattoo. Although I'm sure that's coming.

Frustration number three..... Morgan. She is just at a really tough age. Her naps are getting shorter, which leaves more time for mischief. Today, she swallowed a penny. Lexi, Tess and Jake all noticed she put a penny in her mouth at the same time. We all scrambled to get the penny out of her mouth, but during that chaos, she swallowed it. I immediately called our doctor and texted my two best nurse friends. They all assured me it will pass. Gross. But if it doesn't pass in a few days, we should probably go in. I can't believe this has never happened before. She is fine, but I was totally freaked out. Now I'm just hoping it comes out a nickel, or even a quarter. I could use some extra money.

And then there is Lizzy. Poor, poor Lizzy who obviously doesn't get enough attention. For the past several weeks Brad and I have thought her room smelled like urine. I washed her bedding, Morgan's bedding, put an air freshener in there, and searched for dirty laundry. It still smelled. Tonight, Brad discovered why. He caught Lizzy squatting between her bed and her book shelf, naked, peeing. She ruined a board game, a magic wand, and a stuffed animal. We had to move her bed out of her room so I could scrub the carpet. The good news is we know we weren't losing it... her room really did smell like pee. The bad news is, this is totally not acceptable behavior.

Just so you know, these events are just the highlights, a few of the reasons I wished I was at work today. I could complain for hours, but I read once that constant complaining shortens your life expectancy. I don't want to risk it. You see, I need to live long enough to see my children become parents.... because paybacks are a bitch. That said, I'm sorry Mom and Dad!

Birthday Madness

April means one thing in our house: let the birthday madness begin!

• Lizzy turns four on April 15.
• Lexi turns 12 on April 19.
• Jake turns 10 on May 6.

It's enough to drive a mom crazy. Every year, I wonder how I'll make each day special, when there are so many "special" days so close together. I am already tired of cake, and we haven't even begun.

But then, every year, just as I start worrying about the financial effects of this birthday madness, my kids surprise me. This year it was Jake. He sat down to write his birthday wish list last night. A sign of the times, he emailed it to everyone in his contact list. I giggled at the first few items, but the last one nearly made me cry, because as much "stuff" as he wants, I'm so proud that he also already realizes that there are some things that are more important than any thing money can buy:

Hi everyone, it's me Jake I'm just gonna tell you my birthday list(not in order of importance).

1. LEGOs!
2. video games
3. inside basketball
4. viking stuff(NOT bronco colors grandpa)
5. money
6. family, YOUR ALL INVITED

From,
Jake

Jitters

It's been years since I had any first day of work jitters.

Almost 14 years, to be exact.

But tonight, my stomach is in a knot. My mind is racing.

     "Did I make the right decision?"

     "Will I like this new job?"

     "Will I be any good at this new job?"

It's weird. I've been ready for this day for more than a month, yet it feels like it came out of nowhere. So many times today I caught myself thinking about what story I was going to do tomorrow. I even panicked for a moment when I realized I didn't have anything lined up. And I even thought about making some banana bread to take to work tomorrow.

Then I realized work is now a completely different place, doing a completely different job, working with completely different people.

That's when I freaked out a little.

Just a little.

I'm good now and ready, excited actually, to begin this new adventure. Change is good. It's sometimes easier to stay in a "comfortable" routine, rather than make a change that might actually be just what you've been looking for.

So, to those first day jitters, I say "get lost".

And to this new chapter in my life, this new adventure, these new challenges, I say: "Bring it on."

Vacation Hangover

"No man needs a vacation so much as the person who just had one."

~ Elbert Hubbard

Truer words have never been spoken.

I've never really had a vacation hangover before. Maybe because I've never really had a real vacation before.

Don't get me wrong. I've had vacations --- the family trips to the Mall of America, camping with the kids in the Black Hills, the Medora Musical. But those don't really count. I'm talking about a real vacation. A vacation without kids.

Brad and I finally had one of those, real vacations.

 

We spend ten days in Hawaii. It was awesome. Sun, relaxation, history, culture, good food. We even rented a Harley to explore the island of Maui. It was everything a vacation should be.

But ten days was a little too long.

I missed my kids like crazy.

Then there was the tsunami. I seriously hope I never experience another tsunami.

Now, it's back to reality.

As happy as I was to see the kids, I secretly kind of wished I'd have a day to catch up on sleep and unwind before diving back into motherhood.

That didn't happen.

I immediately jumped back into the "mom" duties of cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry, giving baths and getting the kids to bed.

I did all this on about three hours of sleep (the time I slept on the airplane doesn't count... that was too uncomfortable to be considered real sleep).

It's good to be home. Vacation was great, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But home is even better. I love the routine, the normalcy, and the hugs from my four favorite kiddos.

Still, I can't help wishing I could take a vacation to recover from my vacation...and to ease back into the routine that is my life....

Randomness

My mind is going a thousand different directions.

My thoughts are completely random, but yet still valid.

At least I think so.

I wonder if anyone will agree with me after reading them?

I wonder if I should really write down all my random thoughts....

Ah, what the hell.....

• Laundromats are scary. Ok, I don't even know how to spell that word. I should look it up. Maybe later. I love the idea of a laundromat - you can get your laundry done really, really fast with all those machines. But it's still a scary place. Lizzy and I went to one tonight to dry three loads of laundry after my dryer died. It's been years since I did laundry at a laundromat. I'd forgotten how run-down most of them are. All of the ones I've been too have been icky. I'm thinking I should open a laundromat. Maybe a whole chain of them. I'd have new, modern, clean washing machines and dryers. I'd have nice furniture to relax in while you clothes are washing. Maybe I'd even have a coffee shop inside the laundromat. It would be classy. Trust me. You'd want to hang out there, even if you had a kick-ass washer and dryer at your house.
• I don't like Thursdays anymore. For the past two Thursdays, someone in my family has been sick. Two weeks ago, it was the little girls...they had high fevers and coughs. Last week it was Lexi - she missed school with a temp of 102 and a terrible hacking cough. Now it looks like Jake will be home tomorrow, Thursday. He's got a fever and has been in bed since he got home from school. I don't like Thursdays.
• Hawaii. One week from tomorrow, Thursday, Brad and I will be on our way to paradise. I can't wait. Nine days in Hawaii. No kids, sun, and adult beverages. I hope that next week will be the Thursday that changes the way I feel about Thursdays.
• Sinus headaches suck. While everyone else has been battling fevers, I've been hacking up a lung for about a week now (sounds like I smoke a pack or more a day. It's cool). And after suffering from a headache in my eyeball all day yesterday, today it moved to my cheekbone. That's when I realized it's my sinuses. It hurts. I should probably get some drugs before I go on vacation.
• Overnight diapers were a brilliant invention. I'd forgotten what a difference those diapers make. I actually like getting Morgan out of her crib in the morning now, because I don't have to change my clothes after I snuggle her.
• Victoria's Secret bras are the best. Hands down. I finally splurged over the weekend and invested in some new bras. I figured since I haven't nursed Morgan since November, it was probably time to stop wearing nursing bras. I bought some cheap ones at another store a few weeks ago, but they were terrible. So I dropped $166 on new bras. It was the best $166 I've spent in a long time.
• Rumors are lies. It amazes me how quickly rumors can get started, and how some people thrive on gossip. It's sad, actually. I had an experience today that served as a good reminder not to get caught up in rumors. All they do is hurt people.
• Coffee is good. I fell off the wagon today. It had been almost three weeks since my last cup of coffee. Today I had a chance to have coffee with a good friend. I couldn't say no. It was a good decision. The coffee was delicious, the conversation was great. The key, is moderation.
• I need to cut back on my Diet Coke consumption. I've gotten better, but I need to cut back even more. But I just love the fizzy yumminess. I know, I know, it's not good for me. I'm working on it. Again, everything in moderation.
• I need to make some major lists. We leave in one week! I need to make a list of what to pack. I need to google the airline rules (its been a loooong time since we've flown. I don't want to be the one who gets searched because I have gunpowder residue on my blow dryer. Yes that actually happened to me once.) I need to make a list for the awesome aunts that are watching the kids while we're gone.
• I love my new phone. Finally upgraded from my piece of junk phone that has had nail polish remover, coffee and water all spilled on it (and it still worked, thank you very much) to a Droid. I have no idea what all this phone can do, but the fact that I could be on facebook while in the car wash the other day was pretty cool if you ask me.
• Hawaii. One. More. Week.

I have more random thoughts. Believe me. But I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear them. Or maybe you do. If you're reading this, you probably ready my other random thoughts. Which leads me to one final random thought:

• Thanks for reading. Really. Thanks. I write because it helps me relax. It's also good therapy. So thanks for listening.

Learning to Say "No"

We all have people in our life for whom we will drop everything. We'll do anything for them, whether it's staying up until 2:00 am painting their bedroom, rocking them to back sleep when they have a bad dream, or staying up doing laundry, so the basketball uniform is ready for the early morning game.

My family tops my list. I hope my husband and kids know that. I would do anything for them. Really. I may complain and give them a bad time about the four dozen cupcakes they forgot to tell me they needed, but I will always do it. It's a mom thing.

I would do the same for my parents, my in-laws, my siblings, and my extended family. The same goes for a very special group of friends. You know who you are. You are the ones who can make my day a whole lot better with an unexpected cup of coffee or a random text. I would do anything for these people.

But any combination of these people is not a good thing.

Let me explain.

I would do anything for my kids, that's why I am in my second year as PTO secretary. I feel it's my responsiblity as their mom to be involved, and to make our school a better place. And since I have time, and because a friend recruited me, here I am.

Now the problem comes when a dear friend is also on that same PTO. In the past few days I have found myself staying up way too late putting the finishing touches on a power point presentation, giving said power point presentation to the entire school, designing and decorating 22 collection boxes, talking Brad into building a bean bag toss game, painting stars on that game, and writing dozens of emails and flyers to send home with the kids.

And that's just a few of the PTO duties I've been doing lately.

Yet, as I prepare to put a second coat of paint on my pathetic looking stars, I can't help but smile.

I am smiling because I am happy to help. I am happy that I am able to help. I have the time and the talent to be useful. That's such a big part of being in a community.

While I keep telling myself, I will say "no" more often, I know I'm only kidding myself. It will never happen. Because there are just too many people and causes that I love enough to drop everything for.

So, if nothing else, I hope my constant volunteering and my steady stream of "projects" can at least teach my children an important lesson. I want them to understand the value of helping others, and how helping others can actually make you feel pretty good about yourself.

24 Hours

There are only 24 hours in a day.

I need to sleep for at least six of those hours (Eight would be ideal, but let's get real.. I have four kids a husband, a dog and a job. Six is the most I ever get).

That leaves 18 hours to do other things.

I spend at least four of them at work.

I spend another one or two driving the kids around (school, practice, friends' houses)

It takes about an hour, sometimes more, to cook and eat supper and clean up the kitchen.

Then there are baths for the little girls... I'm so glad the big kids no longer need my help with that!
That list doesn't include the other things, like the time I spend cleaning up the house, getting myself ready for the day, and doing laundry. Not to mention the time I'd like to spend working out, scrapbooking or just relaxing.

Today I also spent an hour grocery shopping, an hour helping Lexi with homework, more than two hours rocking Morgan to sleep and more than six hours at work.

I totally forgot I had an appointment this afternoon.

I didn't make it to the bank to deposit the checks I've been carrying around for nearly a week.

And I didn't get the house picked up. (My solution was shutting the lights off. It looks much cleaner in the dark)

I am exhausted, overwhelmed, crabby and yet, I'm still grateful.

I am grateful that I have a house to clean, kids to drive around, money to buy groceries. I am thankful that I am able to work just part time. Days like today are a good reminder of why I cut back. And while I didn't get the things I feel are important done (laundry, cleaning, working out) I did get to spend more than two hours snuggling with my baby girl.

And when I look at it like that, this day doesn't seem so bad afterall.