Reality Check

If a mom ever wants to feel needed, just leave town for a couple of days.


I guarantee you'll quickly realize just how much your family needs you.


It will probably hit you like a ton of bricks, and it will probably make you a little angry.


Case in point: I was out of town for two nights and two and a half days. Not a long time at all. I even took the two little girls with me. Keeping the house running smoothly should have been a piece of cake.


Far from it.


Here's just a small list of what I came home to this evening:

• A sink full of dirty dishes, including the bowl of cereal Morgan ate before we left on Monday. That didn't smell so good.
• The crockpot that I had left supper in for Monday was also sitting in the sink, with sloppy joes still in it.
• The cake platter I had washed before leaving, was once again dirty, because apparently no one realized the dishes beside the sink were clean.. so they just stacked dirty ones on top of the clean ones.
• The laundry was still untouched - the load I started before leaving on Monday was still in the washing machine, although the lid had been opened, but when they realized there was a load in the washer and in the dryer, they just walked away. Because suddenly, washing a load of clothes became a lot more work than someone had planned on doing.

I could continue, but I don't want to hurt any feelings.

But to say I was annoyed, would be an understatement.

So I spent six hours on the road, with the girls, by myself, worked two nine hour days, and came home to even more work.

Talk about a reality check.

But the thing is, I was never really on "vacation". 

I was working.

And I had a two year old and a five year old with me.

Definitely not a vacation.

But then I did what I always do.

I lost my temper.

I yelled at Jake.

I yelled at Brad.

I yelled at Lexi.

I sent the little girls to bed.

Lizzy started crying and asked "Mom, do you even like us?".

Ouch.

Another slap in the face.

That's when I realized I was freaking out about stupid things.

So the dishes stink.

So the laundry needs to be rewashed.

So what?

There is plenty of time for those chores.

I need to remind myself it's ok to go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.

The world isn't going to end if a load of laundry sits in the washer overnight.

And I also have to remember, my "big" kids are still just kids.

Yes, they know what needs to be done on a daily basis, but they know those things because I remind them daily. Without those gentle reminders, they will just be kids. 

And that's ok.

However, they're not completely off the hook.

As with every "situation", there's a lesson here for us all too.

My lesson is to chill out.

Their lesson is to be observant - notice what needs to be done, and do it without being asked.

Wish me luck.

And, to answer Lizzy's heartbreaking question, I do like my family.  In fact, I love them more than anything in the world.... stinky dishes and all.

Alone Time

So my life.

Usually I'm ok with it - I haven't peed in peace in almost 13 years.

But today, it really bothered me.

Obviously, it wasn't just the being followed into the bathroom (that's right - today I didn't even get to shut the door. They were on my tail the entire day) that got to me, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm grumpy, bitchy, overwhelmed, tired, depressed, and stressed.

I'll get over it. I always do.

But right now, I'd like to run away.

Motherhood is amazing - the best job ever. But it's not all roses. Kids are needy. They want attention, food, clean laundry.. the list goes on. Most days I love it, but today... I'm tempted to just tell them to wear dirty underwear and take the day off.

And you know it's bad, when even the kids realize they only need to talk to you when you are in the bathroom.


My conversation with Jake, seconds after I sat down to pee:
Jake: "Mom?"
Mom: "I'm in the bathroom and not accepting questions right now."


You'll never believe what he needed.


This was the follow up conversation:
Me: "Sorry I yelled. I just really had to pee. What did you need?"
Jake: "Yeah, sorry. I know we only want to talk to you when you're using the bathroom. Sorry about that. But I just wanted to tell you that I went to the bathroom and remembered what kind of cereal I just ate - you know, the kind that makes my pee smell funny."


Sugar smacks, in case you're wondering.


But really?


Why on earth would he feel the need to tell me that in the first place, much less when I'm busy?


I know I should treasure these moments because very soon they will all be grown and the house will be empty. 


Blah, blah, blah.


I can't think that far ahead.


Right now I'm more concerned with timing my trips to the bathroom for those rare times I might get a whole two minutes to myself.....

Another Morgan-ism

Morgan was feeding Lexi fish crackers during church yesterday.


She put one in Lexi's mouth and very seriously told her to "chew, chew."

I Don't Know How She Does It

Have you seen the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It"?

If you haven't, you should.

This goes for busy working moms, stay at home moms, dads, boyfriends, even teenage kids. At least watch the trailer.

Lexi and I watched it this weekend.

It was one of the best movies I've seen in a very long time.

It also hit a little close to home.


Yes, moms really do make lists.


All the time.

In our heads, on paper, on our smartphones, on the back of a napkin.

But the movie is about more than just making lists. In the movie, people constantly say to Sarah Jessica Parker, who plays a working mom trying her best to balance a thriving career, two young kids, and a husband, "I don't know how you do it."

I can't even tell you how many times people say that to me.

"I don't know how you take care of four kids." Um, well, I don't really have a choice, and a couple of them are old enough they kind of take care of themselves (take bath time, for example.. it's been years since I had to help Lexi and Jake with a shower, although I do often have to remind Jake to shower). Really, the big kids just need food and transportation, and maybe some occasional homework help. Oh, and money. Other than that, there's not much work involved - and they even help with their little sisters, making my job not that bad. That's how I do that - we work as a team and take care of each other.

"I don't know how you manage a job and being a mom." Honestly, even on the days I hate my job the very most, it's actually kind of a nice break from being a mom. Yes, I'd really love to not have to work. But the fact of the matter is, I do. We need the little bit of extra income I earn to pay for things like groceries (very important, especially if you're an almost 11 year old boy!) and registration fees (it costs money to do all the "extra" stuff my kids want to do).  In a perfect world, I'd work from home. I'm working on making that happen. In the meantime, I am grateful that I'm able to work part-time. I'm not sure I could do 40+ hours a week and raise a family. Cutting back on work (at least the work that I get paid for) was probably the best decision I ever made. Yet, even with just 20 hours a week, there are still somedays that I wonder how we all get out of the house on time, and fully clothed (ok, that's a lie...sometimes Morgan decides she doesn't want to wear pants, but that's her choice.. and I usually remember to grab pants, just in case).


"I don't know how to find time to scrapbook/blog." For me, those things are relaxing. I don't watch a lot of tv, but when the kids go to bed, I update my blogs and work on scrapbooks. It's therapy. And it's just part of my daily routine. I'm working on adding some other things, like exercise into my daily routine too, but honestly, writing a quick blog so I don't forget the funny thing Lizzy said that day, is a lot more fun, especially at 10:00 pm.

"I don't know how you do it - your husband works long hours." Only in the summer. And again, it's just what we do. Brad's job requires long hours during the summer. It has always been that way, and it always will be. I grew up a farm kid, so maybe I'm used to the dad being gone a lot when it's nice out. It's no big deal. Yes, I'd love it if Brad were home to go on every camping trip with us, grill burgers for us, and go to the swimming pool with us. But that's just not how it is. The kids and I won't let his busy work schedule keep us from having fun. If we did that, we'd never do anything in the summer. We make our plans, assuming he won't be there, and if the contractor breaks down, or it rains, we are pleasantly surprised.

Am I doing everything right?

Absolutely not.

I'd be kidding myself (and lying to you) if I said I was the perfect mom.

But you know what?

My kids are happy, healthy, and so much fun to be around.

So I must be doing something right.

But don't ask me how I do it.

I just do it.

That's all.

No Lunch For You

I learned a few important lessons in the past week.

1. Sometimes, you just have to take control of a situation. And sometimes, when something bad happens, sometimes the only way to fix it, is to raise a little hell.
2. There are bad, grumpy, mean people everywhere. It's important to learn how to deal with these people.
3. Most people, however, are genuinely good and want to help.

Deep, yet vague, huh?

Let me explain.

Lexi came home from school last week and said she wasn't allowed to eat lunch, because she was out of lunch money. I was outraged, and almost called the school right then and there. But a lesson I learned a long time ago, is when you're really fired up, it's a good idea not to do anything drastic.

So instead, I gathered information.

I got the whole story from Lexi (she went to the "crabby" lady's line, this "crabby" lady told Lexi she had a negative balance and told her she could have a glass of water).

I remembered doing a story a few years ago in my former life about a new school policy - middle school students would no longer be allowed to charge more than one lunch. After that, if they still didn't have lunch money, they would be given a cheese sandwich. The idea was to give them a kind of gross lunch so they'd remember to bring lunch money, but not starve them (because kids can't learn when they're starving). The policy was designed to teach kids responsibility. I'm totally in favor of that. And let's face it. By seventh grade, kids are definitely responsible enough to tell their parents they need lunch money.

I also remembered that I used to get weekly email updates from Powerschool, and email alerts when their lunch accounts were getting low. I realized I hadn't gotten those for awhile, thus, I had no idea Lexi was low on lunch money.

So I did what every fired up mom in 2012 does.

I updated my Facebook status.

For those of you who may have missed it, here it is:

Warning.. the following is a Facebook rant:
Today my 7th grader was allowed to have a glass of water for lunch. Apparently she is out of lunch money. Um, ok. I thought she was supposed to get a cheese sandwich (I remember doing a story on that) and another thing... how about telling her she's almost out of money? She's pretty responsible. I bet she'd tell me, and then I'd gladly send a check. I'...m pretty sure it's not healthy for a 12 year old girl to go without food all day. Kinda screams eating disorder to me.. not to mention, how can you learn when you're starving? And... on a related note.. why can I no longer get into Powerschool? I used to get notices about lunch money that way... but suddenly I can't even log in. Frustrated. Thanks for listening Facebook family.
 
I regretted writing that at first. That's really not my Facebook-style. When it comes to my Facebook status, I try really hard not to air my dirty laundry, complain, bad mouth anyone, or be negative.
 
But on this day, I was upset enough to break all my Facebook rules, and post a status like that.
 
The response was amazing.
 
I got something like 40 comments.
 
And, for the most part, those comments actually provided me with some much needed support, and ammunition.
 
After calming down a little, and emailing a couple of friends who work for the school district, I knew what I had to do. I emailed the principal at Lexi's school and requested a meeting for the following day.
 
By the time I got to the meeting, he already knew what was going on and had already talked to the lunch ladies, the head of food services for the district, and Lexi. What can I say.. it's a small town... word travels fast when a parent is upset.
 
The meeting was great. He was totally on my side, and assured me what happened was not school policy and would not happen to my daughter ever again. It never should have happened in the first place - she should not have been denied a sandwich, nor should she have ever gotten $7.80 in the hole. Turns out, there was a break down in the system - the only way kids know they're low on lunch money is when the lunch ladies tell them and when parents get an email (which I didn't get, because I hadn't updated my Powerschool account).
 
But what I also learned is that my daughter isn't the only one who has experienced this. Numerous parents and students have told me the same thing has happened to them, and they've been forced to throw away the food on their trays (lunch numbers are punched in after students go through the line.. it has to be that way because of some federal regulations).
 
While that makes me sad (sad that kids dont get to eat, and sad that food was wasted), it makes me even sadder to know that none of them ever told anyone about the problem. How can school officials fix problems if they don't know about them?
 
We all have a voice.
 
We need to use that voice.
 
It's the only way things will ever change.
 
It's a lesson I've tried to pass on to my kids a little more than normal this past week. Lexi and I have talked at length about being more assertive, and using her voice. She hates to rock the boat or make anyone upset. I'm trying to teach her that sometimes you have to rock the boat. It's so important to stick up for yourself, even if it is over something as silly as a cheese sandwich. 
 
And, through this all, my faith in our school system has been restored.

I have always thought Bismarck's public schools are among the best. Honestly, if they weren't, I'd probably have enrolled my kids in private school by now (there are several to choose from here). But we've always been happy with the education they've received, the lessons they've learned in relationships and responsiblity, and how much the majority of the teachers and staff truly care for the kids. Don't get me wrong - there have been a few over the years that we've been less than excited about, but our kids still managed to learn, even excel, despite those "bad apples". We refuse to let them spoil the bunch.

The same is true with this no lunch fiasco. We will not let one grumpy lunch lady ruin our respect for the teachers and staff who do their very best every day to make the school day a good experience for our children.

I challenge each of you to take a moment and think about all the good things the people at your childs school do for your kids. They really do have your child's best interests in mind and I'm betting they actually really care about your child, and want to see them succeed.  Then, tell them thanks. It is a tough job, and one many of us (myself included) could not do.

Screen Time

We are really making an effort to spend less time in front of screens: televisions, computers, iPods, video games, cell phones.

Like most kids (and adults), we spend much too much time in front of our screens.

It's so easy to do... and so easy to waste an hour or more.

But there are so many other things, better things, we could be doing instead of vegging out on the couch, watching a re-run of some Disney channel show.

Today, I told the kids they each get a half an hour in front of the screen of their choice.

Lexi chose a half hour of tv.

Jake chose a half hour of x-box.

Lizzy and Morgan chose a half hour of Veggie Tales.

And that made me smile.

When Lexi was Morgan's age, she was obsessed with Veggie Tales.

She watched them every chance she got.

We got our first dog during this phase. His name is Bob... after Bob the Tomato.

I'm just glad she didn't make us name Jake Larry.

Lexi was in the hospital for about a week during her Veggie Tale obsession.

With nothing else to do, she watched Veggie Tales all day and all night (on VHS... it was 2001..we weren't that high tech yet!) We still have those VHS tapes.

But today, the girls found "King George and the Ducky"on Netflix.

I actually used my half hour watching it with them (while working on the computer too..two screens...bad!)

Jake and Lexi got sucked in too, and the five of us watched most of the show together.

I'm happy to say I remember all the words to the Veggie Tales theme song, and most of the words to the Silly Song with Larry.

Some things you just don't forget.

But the best part, was watching tv and laughing with the kids, rather than all of us just "zoning" out and staring at the screen.

And guess what?

They all survived just fine with only 30 minutes of screen time.

In fact, the little girls and I played a game of Memory and read two books...and they were still sleeping by 8:15.

By the way, I really do love Veggie Tales.. I've been singing "More Wronger" all evening!

Leapin' Kerzmans!

I had a great idea for a picture for my picture of the day challenge today: I wanted the kids to leap, all at the same time.

I obviously didn't think the idea through. I had no idea how difficult it would be.

But.. it was still fun, at least on my side of the camera anyway!

My favorite of the three "leapers" is posted here.

But here are the "rejects", which I think are still pretty funny!

Morgan, walking in front of the camera.. not to leap, just to be in the way!

Morgan... still walking!

After we finished this little photo shoot, I wondered: how many of our neighbors were watching this gong show out their windows? At least the Kerzmans are always good for a laugh :)