And Then It Was Quiet...

This cartoon pretty much sums up my life:

Everyone yelling and running around like crazy people.

Even Morgan.

When she really wants to get her point across, she stomps her foot, stares you in the eye, yells some random sounds, pauses, then adds a very dramatic "huh".

While that's cute, I really hate the yelling.

I hate the yelling so much I even made it one of my resolutions for 2012: stop yelling.

I don't yell as much, but I still yell.

I justify it by telling myself, if I speak in a normal voice, no one will hear me.

Our house is just so loud.

So loud.

I can't stand it.

I know I'll miss the noise someday.

But not today.

Today I really just long for a few minutes, preferably before midnight, of peace and quiet.

Yet, here it is: 12:46 am.

It is finally quiet.

I think it's the first silence I've enjoyed all day, and technically, it's a new day, which means yesterday was extra loud.

But even now, it's not really quiet.

I'm listening to the sound of the dishwasher (which I'd put off starting earlier because I swear it's getting noiser everytime I run it) and the snoring from the little girls' room (which is actually pretty cute).

But here's the thing... now it's actually too quiet.

I can't enjoy my book, because it's too quiet.

Or maybe it's because I'm exhausted.

At any rate, if I've learned anything in the past few years, this too shall pass.

Soon, very soon... and way earlier than I'd like, the noise will resume.

And it will likely be yelling.

I can't wait.

Seriously.

I can't wait to see what tomorow will bring, noise and all! 

Morgan-ism

They're starting.

Morgan-isms.

Here's today's Morgan-ism (from the girl who barely talks):

Morgan, yelling at the dog: "Bob!"
Jake, to Morgan: "Are you Bob?"
Morgan: "No. My me!"

Divine Intervention

We had a crazy weekend.. both Lexi and Jake played in a basketball tournament.


That meant eight basketball games in two days.

Amazingly, none of the games were at the same time, but they were close, and they were at different gyms, which meant a lot of running back and forth for those of us with driver's licenses.

Today, it caught up with me, and with the little girls too.

Brad had commitments at church he coudln't get out of, so I was left to play taxi driver by myself (not really by myself - I was so lucky to have Mary, Madonna and Chrissy to help!).

At some point during Jake's first game of the day (the second we had sat through), the little girls started melting down.

This was not a little meltdown.

We're talking about a very big meltdown.

Huge, to be exact.

I was ready to leave and never step foot in a gym again.

But I knew I couldn't do that.

Because while Lexi and Jake would tell me it was ok, I know they would have been hurt if I'd bailed.

But this meltdown was bad.

Jake's game ran long, and I knew we'd be late for Lexi's game.

Of course the girls didn't cooperate and get in and out of the van nicely.

And they were even worse during Lexi's game (of which we missed the entire first half).

I didn't enjoy the game, even though Lexi played great and her team won.. the game and the tourney.

Afterwards, she decided to hang with her team rather than go watch Jake's last game.

Lizzy completely lost it.

Total meltdown/temper tanturm.

Not cool.

Morgan fell asleep before we even left the parking lot.

Jake and I decided to drive to the other side of town to get McDonald's and ignore Lizzy's screaming.

After 30 minutes of screaming and crying, Lizzy finally fell asleep.

I took Jake to the gym and opted to stay in the van until game time.

It was then, while I played solitare on my phone and enjoyed the silence (and occasional snores) from the back of the van and contemplated skipping Jake's game, that I got a mood-changing text. It read:

"I know this may be kind of strange, but I was thinking of how AWESOME of a mother you are. Just wanted to tell you that."

Talk about divine intervention.

At it's finest.

I so needed to read those words, because at the very moment I got that text, I was doubting my mom skills. How in the world did my amazing sister in law know that? And why did she take time to send a random text telling me what a great job I'm doing?

That text changed my perspective on my situation, and reminded me that one bad moment (or two hours worth of bad moments, in this case), doesn't make me a bad mom.

It makes me human.

And even though I could have handled their behavior better, I didn't do a lousy job either.

We moms are too hard on ourselves.

But the reality is, even moms have bad days.

Its ok.

Kids have bad days too, and that's ok too.

It's how we handle those situations that's important.

And even at our very worst moments, some people still think we're doing a pretty good job.

It's something I need to remember, and I also need to remember that others look up to me as a mom, and as an example.

That's a lot of pressure.

I just hope I can handle it, and rise to the occasion, even during the biggest meltdowns ever.

That text also taught me how important it is to be nice, and to take time to be kind. I need to do this more often - whether it's the teller at the bank, my boss, or even my kids. Kind words can change a person's entire day.

Trust me.

And to my amazing sister in law: thank you. You have no idea how much I needed that random text today. And, for the record, I think you're pretty awesome too.

Morgan!

My sweet baby Morgan.

Silly, smart, happy, beautiful.

Man, I love this girl!

In 2012...

I hate new year's resolutions.

I never keep them.

This year, I considered not even making any, just to spare myself the guilt.

But then I had to write an article for work about setting realistic resolutions, and I got inspired.

So this year, instead of making a ton of resolutions that I know I won't keep, and trying to do them all in the first week of January, I'm going to pace myself. I'm also going to blog them... that should give me some sort of accountability, right?

So, here goes.

In 2012, I will....

• Yell less. Seriously, I hate yelling at my kids. I'm not going to do it anymore. I am going to count to ten in my head before I fly off the handle. While I'm counting, they may color on the walls with a permanent marker, slam their fingers in the door, or maybe even be late for school. But there will no yelling.
• Eat healthier. I know. Everyone says they're going to do this, but I really am. I'm even going to start eating breakfast (and from now on, breakfast will consist of more than just a cup of coffee or a Diet Coke). In fact, from what I've read, I actually need to eat more. I don't eat enough (which is weird.. I should be skinny). It's not even that I make terrible food choices (string cheese and popcorn are actually pretty healthy snacks) it's just that I don't eat enough. This will be a challenge for me - I don't eat because I simply don't have time. I'm going to have to do some pre-planning here.
• Try new recipies. While I'm on the subject of food, I'd also like to try new recipes more often. I feel like we eat the same five or six meals every single week: spaghetti, tacos, hotdish, etc. Boring. I have been saving some crockpot recipes that look good... time to actually make them!
• Drink more water. I know, I know. It's good for me. And I actually even kind of like the taste of water. I just don't drink enough of it. I will drink more water, and less Diet Coke. I promise.
• Be more organized. I'm an organizational-geek. Yet I still manage to be totally unorganized. I like everything in it's place, and I hate clutter. But every morning I run around like a crazy person, looking for my keys. No more. I will put things where they belong, and so will my family. We will no longer be late for things because we can't find our keys or our shoes. And, taking that one step further, I will not only make lists and fill out my planner in great detail, I will also reference those things and will never miss another chiropractor appointment, haircut, meeting, or practice.
• Run a 5K.  I've just recently gotten back into a good exercise routine. In 2012, I'm going to expand on that. For a couple of years now I've been thinking about doing a 5K. I don't like to run, but it's something I'd like to do, just to prove I can.  Plus, I'd really like to lose some weight (about 50 pounds, to be exact.. or 2 dress sizes) and gain some muscle.. running seems like a really great way to do that. And, if I run every day, I will get a short break from the chaos that is my life. Sounds like a win-win.
• Slow down. Life is so busy. We're always running from one thing to another. While I want my kids to be involved in things and experience different things, I also want slow down a little. I want to spend a beautiful spring afternoon at the park, or a hot summer day at the pool. I want to paint pictures on a rainy day, or bake cookies when it's snowing. Too often I take on too much, and don't have time to do the really important stuff, like build a fort with the little girls, or play Yatzee with the big kids, or go out for a drink with Brad. This year I will make time for those things.
• Spend wisely. Ok, so I want to save money. But I want to do more than that. I want to use our money wisely. That means using coupons, watching sales,  controlling impulse buys, and not using credit cards. Of course I have a list of things I'd like to buy with that extra money: a new computer, a new van, a new lens for my camera, a vacation. Realistically, I know we will not be able to buy all that in 2012, but if we spend wisely, we can be in a much better position to buy those things in 2013. And, in the process, we can teach our kids some really important lessons about money.
• Spend more time in my craft room. Now that it's all nicely organized, I am dreaming of using this space every single day. I know that will never happen, but I would like to spend a few hours a week there. I haven't even started Morgan's scrapbook yet (she's 2!) and I'm several years behind on the other kids' books too. Besides scrapbooks, I have zillions of other great ideas in my head that I would love to actually do. This is the year....

I could go on and on and on, but I think this is probably enough non-resolutions for one year. Overall, my goal is to just be a happier person  and a better mom,and wife.

Wish me luck!

Merry Christmas!

December 2011 - If a picture really is worth a thousand words, then there’s really no need to write a Christmas letter this year is there? Our pictures pretty much sum up our lives: chaos. Pure chaos. But you know me.. I never turn down an opportunity to talk, or in this case write, so I’m writing a letter anyway  But this year, I had help. I asked each of the kids to tell me three things they think people should know about them, and about Brad and me. Here’s what they came up with:

Morgan (age 2)

• “Nookies.” Morgan loves her nookie (pacifier, binkie, she loves it, no matter what you call it). We are trying to wean her from it, but she truly loves it. I guess there are worse things…. right?

• “Bob.” Morgan doesn’t say many words (why should she? She has three older siblings to do the talking for her!) but she does say “Bob”. He obeys her, because she feeds him all the food off her plate! A few weeks ago, she fed him an entire loaf of fresh baked homemade bread!

• “Ball.” Ok, Morgan doesn’t really love this, but it’s a huge part of her life. She’s been sitting in the bleachers since she was ten days old, and in 2011 she spent even more time in the bleachers, as both Lexi and Jake played school basketball and traveling basketball. She also sat through dozens of volleyball matches and football games, which means I have scrubbed crayon off of many bleachers and walls, cleaned up spilled popcorn, and apologized to hundreds of people who made the mistake of sitting beside us.

Lizzy (age 4):

• “I’m funny.” She is. Lizzy is probably the funniest kid I know. In fact, Lizzy is so funny, that her blog, www.lizzy-isms.blogspot.com needs to be updated several times a day. She is currently on a “Lizzy-ism” strike – everytime she says or does something that makes us laugh, she quickly tells us “do not put that on Lizzy-isms. Actually, delete the whole thing.” Not a chance.

• “I don’t hate speech.” Lizzy continues to go to speech therapy once a week. She’s gone from hating it, to loving it, to tolerating it. She is looking forward to being done with speech and starting kindergarten next year.

• “I love, love, love Barbies.” Lizzy has just recently fallen in love with Barbies. She spends hours playing with them, all by herself.

Jake (age 10, 5th grade, Dorothy Moses Elementary):

• “Are you ready for some football?” Jake loves everything football - watching it on tv, watching it in person, playing it, managing his fantasy football teams. Even though his Vikings are having a terrible year, he is loyal. I think the highlight of 2011 for Jake was going to the Vikings/Broncos game with Brad and my dad. Jake also played his first year of tackle football this year and survived without any broken bones! While football is his true love, he’s playing basketball now and doing great.. he’s got a killer left-handed layup 

• “I’ll drive.” Jake spent a few weeks at the Shea farm this summer. His biggest accomplishment: learning to drive. That’s about all I know about that, and to be honest, I don’t think I want to know anymore!

• “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” This became Jake’s catch phrase this summer, when he became the man of the house while Brad worked long hours. He took care of Bob, took the garbage out, and during our week-long camping trip in the Black Hills without Brad, he even fixed the van

Lexi (age 12, 7th grade, Wachter Middle School):

• “I started middle school.” Lexi has made new friends and loves having a locker and changing classes. She even made the honor roll! She played volleyball this fall and is now in the middle of her school basketball season. Traveling basketball will start after Christmas. Then it will be softball or track – she hasn’t decided which she will pursue yet. She played fast pitch softball for the first time this summer, and while she said she was awful, I think she kind of enjoyed it, and may even dream of hitting a homerun!

• “r u here?” This is the text I get every day when she needs a ride home. What did we do before cell phones?

• “Peace, love and duct tape.” Did you know duct tape comes in dozens of colors and patterns? Lexi has boxes of tape and spends her free time making duct tape wallets, pencil bags, flowers, bracelets and more. She’s established quite a little business for herself – selling her creations to friends, classmates, family, and people she doesn’t even know. This month, she’s donating all the money she makes to charity. So proud.

Brad and Jody (ages – OLD!):

• “I got a new job.” After nearly 14 years with KFYR-TV, I started a new job this spring. I’m now working 20 hours a week as a public information officer for four public health units. My focus is on emergency preparedness, but I’ve been lucky to “dabble” in many parts of public health, and even worked for the city of Bismarck during the flood (13 days in a row of 16+ hour workdays!). I’ve also started freelancing for the television program “This Week in Agribusiness” and the website “The Krazy Koupon Lady”. It’s fun way to earn a little extra money! While I changed jobs, Brad continues to work for the Department of Transportation. It was a long summer of road construction – Brad worked 17 hour days most of the summer. The kids and I missed him, but we liked the overtime checks…. while he worked, we bummed at area lakes and spent a week camping in the Black Hills.

• “I survived the Hawaiian tsunami of 2011.” Just before starting my new job Brad and I were lucky enough to go on a KFYR-TV sponsored vacation to Hawaii. We spent ten days visiting three islands. We visited Pearl Harbor, got sunburned on Poipu Beach, rode a Harley around Maui, and survived a tsunami! We would do it all again in a heartbeat… except for the tsunami part!

• “We wish there were more hours in a day!” Our lives are busy! We spend most of our time running our kids around, watching their activities, and working. We both have hobbies we’d love to find time to do: Brad would love to spend more time hunting and working in his garage; I’d love to catch up on some scrapbooking and go to the gym. But for now, our children are our life. And we wouldn’t have it any other way!

We hope that your 2011 was as exciting and memorable as ours. We’d love to hear from you – look us up if you’re ever in the Bismarck area. And even if you’re not in our neighborhood, find us on Facebook!

May you have a blessed Christmas and an awesome 2012!

the Kerzmans
Brad, Jody, Lexi, Jake, Lizzy, Morgan and Bob

A Little More Time

Today ranks pretty high on my list of "longest and busiest days ever".

From 6:30 am until 11:00 pm, I didn't stop moving. 

• I made muffins for Lexi's early morning meeting.
• I spent five hours at my "real" job.
• I hung Uppercase Living for two customers.
• I played taxi mom.
• I made a quick stop at the store, with help from a not-so-helpful-two-year-old.
• I wrapped Christmas gifts.
• I cleaned the kitchen.
• I stood in the longest and slowest moving line at the post office I've ever seen. I left the post office without mailing my package because I simply didn't have time to wait in line.
• I made cake pops for Lexi's best friend's birthday tomorrow.

Yet, for as much as I accomplished, my to-do list is still gigantic.

Some of it is important: I really do need to get my hair colored tomorrow (Lexi gently pointed out my gray hair yesterday) and I also really need to get that package in the mail.

Some of it is stuff I'd like to do if I get time (make a batch of popcorn to take to the farm, clean my craft room, blog).

Some of it is stuff I write on my list every single day, but rarely actually get done (like go to the gym.. although I've been pretty good lately.. must be procrastinating other stuff!).

But for as detailed as my lists are, there are a few things I don't write on my list, thus I don't make time to do. Things like read to the little girls (I do this, but not nearly enough), play a board game with the big kids, watch a movie with my husband.

There are just so many other "important" things that need to be done. Yet, I never seem to get them done.

If only a had a little more time....

Or... even better... what if I changed my priorities?

Who really cares if there's popcorn at the farm? I'd rather play Barbies with Lizzy and Morgan.

And my craft room is a mess. Oh well. It's a sign of genius. Anyone up for a game of Monopoly?

Yes, I think this could solve all my problems..... and change my attitude too. Instead of thinking of all the things I should be doing, I vow to simply enjoy the little things. The other stuff will always be there. My kids won't be - they'll be headed to college before I know it. I need to enjoy them now.. even if that means the dirty dishes sit in the sink overnight....