Baby Lizzy

None of my kids have ever been big pacifier users, or even thumb suckers. All three had a pacifier for between six weeks and six months, then suddenly, they all ditched it. Until this weekend.

Lexi cleaned out the van on Friday and found a long lost "nookie". She didn't get it thrown away in time, because as soon as Lizzy saw it, she wanted it. She has been obsessed with it all weekend. We even had to take it fishing yesterday, and when it fell in the lake, I thought the game was over. No such luck. Someone rescued it with a net and gave it back to her. Today, she took it to church, and wouldn't take a nap without it. If she doesn't have it in her mouth, she's walking around asking everyone "where'd nookie go?". Lizzy is smart enough to take the nookie out of her mouth to talk, and she knows to wash it off if she drops it outside. She also obviously knows this is not something a two year old should have...because she would not let me get a picture all weekend..Lexi finally snapped this one while she was napping.

I know I should end this before it gets too out of control, or screws up her teeth. But I just can't. It makes her happy, and I know she'll soon realize nookies are for babies and get rid of it again. And we only have one...when it's gone, it's gone. I am not buying her another one.

But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if this is a sign of what's to come in November. Will Lizzy regress to other baby things? She's been doing so good at potty training...will that take a turn for the worse when baby comes too? Will Lizzy insist on having a bottle and a nookie as long as baby does?

I really can't say that I blame her. Lizzy has been the baby, and giving up that spot will be difficult. Maybe this regression is part of her coping process. Or maybe the nookie just tastes good. At any rate, if the nookie suddenly goes missing, I won't admit to anything!

The Games We Play

Some people play musical chairs. In our house, we play musical beds. Even when everyone goes to sleep in their own beds, you never know who you'll wake up next to in the morning. This picture says it all:

Both girls went to bed in their own rooms that night. Lexi came running upstairs after a bad dream, and Lizzy wandered in after falling out of her own bed. Rather than fight with them, and get my own lazy butt out of bed, I just let them both crawl into bed with me. You'll notice Brad isn't in the bed...that's because he often falls asleep in front of the tv downstairs. Rather than wake the sleeping beast, I have learned to just let him stay on the couch. Notice how the girls are spread out horizontally in our bed though..it's no wonder I got up that morning! There was no room for me!

Monday morning tops everything though. Lizzy wanted Jake to lay down with her at bedtime. He had been gone all weekend, and they missed each other. I left them in her room, and crawled into my own bed across the hall. I fell asleep to the sounds of Jake making up bedtime stories and the two of them giggling. At 2:30 I woke to Lizzy saying "Jakey, Jakey" but I didn't hear anything else, so I went back to sleep. I got up at 5:00 to go to the gym and checked on them. Jake had taken over Lizzy's bed, and she was sleeping on the floor, butt up in the air. They seemed fine, so I left. Thankfully I shut the gate at the top of the stairs when I left. An hour later, I walked into the house, to find Lizzy sleeping at the top of the stairs. The gate obviously prevented her from wandering too far, and she looked like a puppy, waiting for it's owner to return. She woke up then, led me into the kitchen where she grabbed a tortilla from the fridge, then crawled into my bed. I laid down with her, and she slept for another two hours.

The moral of the story? There probably isn't one...but if I had to pick a lesson from these games of musical beds, it would be these: choose your battles. There are things worth fighting with your kids over. Where they sleep at night is not one of them (not during the summer, anyway). Second, enjoy these moments...very soon, they will not want to snuggle you at night. In fact, this week Jake and Lizzy are at the farm, Lexi spent the night with a friend, and Brad again fell asleep on the couch, leaving me with the bed all to myself. It was nice, but also a little lonely. And finally, sleep trumps all arguments. Sometimes, it's worth giving in just to get a few more minutes of shut-eye.

Oh Baby

These are the first pictures of baby number four. It's a little early for an ultrasound (I'm just 17 weeks..usually the first ultrasound is done at 20 weeks). But there is good reason for this early look at baby.

I went in for a routine check-up last week Thursday. I had heard baby's heartbeat at my visit four weeks ago and it sounded perfect. This time, it skipped a beat. It was a consistent skip...three beats, nothing, three beats, nothing. At first I thought Dr. P's equipment wasn't working correctly, but when her voice sounded concerned, I knew it wasn't an equipment malfunction. She quickly sent me down to ultrasound to get a better look at baby's heart.

I'm no doctor, but I must tell you I knew the second I saw the ultrasound screen...something was wrong. I could see a muscle (which I assume was the heart) beating three times, then skipping a beat, then beating three beats, then skipping. The ultrasound tech turned up the volume and suddenly I could see and hear baby's heart. Tears started flowing at that moment, and didn't stop for several days.

The tears were for many reasons: fear that something is wrong with my baby, fear that it was caused by something I did (or didn't) do, and an overwhelming realization of how much I already love this baby. That's been the most sobering part of all of this... I didn't really want a fourth baby. I was thought I was warming up to the idea, despite the rude comments and questions I've endured from people (no kidding, numerous people have asked me if this was "planned", or "did you mean to?") I figured by the time baby comes in November, I'd be ready. But, turns out, I'm already ready, and I've already fallen in love with this baby, heart problem or not. When I heard the heartbeat and saw the images on the screen, it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is OUR baby...and let's face it, Brad and I have cute babies! I'm now more excited about this baby than I ever have been. I truly can't wait for November!

In the meantime, I am now considered a "high risk pregnancy"..in all my pregnacies, this is a first. We will do some follow up on the irregular heartbeat. We go to Fargo on June 24th to see a cardiologist from Sioux Falls, and to get a level two ultrasound and a fetal echocardiogram. That should determine if it was a "fluke" thing, or if there really is something wrong with baby's heart. I've been trying not to google "irregular fetal heartbeat", but I couldn't help myself. From what I've read, it happens in about 14-percent of all pregnancies but is only a problem in one to two percent of those. That means statistics are on my side. But, I am cautiously optimistic...I have many friends who have been in that one to two percent in other ways. But, I know that whatever happens, we will be ok. In the meantime, please pray. That is really the only thing anyone can do at this time! And, watch for more baby pics...we'll have lots after the appointment on the 24th!

S-U-M-M-E-R!

Hi it's Lexi, can you belive its summer! For all of you who are stillin school sorry to brag. This year my teacher was Mrs. Spangler and today was her last day of teaching. Today we had the yearly Dorothy Moses field day! It was so much fun. Now on to the good stuff like summer. This summer I am going to start band and work on basketball. I will be going to 2 basketball camps. I will also be going to band camp, I am playing the flute.

Bye and have a good summer.

love,
lexi

SCHOOL'S OUT!!!

This is Jake. I've got good news schools out!!! I so can't beleave school's out.Summer vacation officially started at 3:05 this afternoon. And the best news is I am now officially a third grader! My mom and dad are so proud of my report card (and Lexi's too). I really liked second grade, and my teacher, Mrs. Cross. She gave me a hug at the end of the day. She also gave me a book to read this weekend. It's about icebergs. I will miss Mrs. Cross, but I'm excited about third garde too. I hope I get Mrs. Rudolph for my third grade teacher. Lexi had her and really liked her.

But first....it's summer....and this is no time to think about SCHOOL! Let's talk about what I'm going to do this summer. Next week I am going to basketball camp. I might go to football camp too. And I am for sure going to lego camp. I hope to spend lots of time outside and at the pool this summer. Maybe we'll even go camping. I am so excited to go to my Great Grandparents ranch this summer too. Mom's been promising a trip there for a LONG time..now that school is out, she doesn't have any more excuses. It was tempting not to go because we were reading about cowboys in school. That made me want to ride a real horse really bad.I never rode one before.

That's all for now... it's summer vacation and I've got Mountain Dew to drink ,and video games to play!!!!

Lessons from Church

I always ask myself, and my kids, after mass, "what did you learn in church today?". Last Sunday, that question took on a whole new meaning...and Jake's answer was unlike any I'd ever heard before.

We walked in just minutes before mass started, and ended up sitting pretty close to the front of the church, towards the outside aisle. It's a perfectly fine place to sit, it's just not where we normally sit (we are creatures of habit...we always sit by Brad's co-worker Dean and his wife). At the beginning of mass, the congregation stands for several minutes. We did that..and when Father gave us the ok to sit down, we did. Except for Jake. I whispered at him to sit down...his reply: "I can't". That's when I realized his knee was stuck.

There's a little gap between the back of the pew and the arm rest. While we were standing, Jake nonchalantly stuck his knee in that gap. When it came time to sit down, his knee was stuck. Lexi and I giggled, and even Brad smiled at his predicament. But very soon after that smile, Brad realized Jake really was stuck, and was starting to panic. I could not move his knee, so I traded places with Brad..he couldn't move Jake's knee either. Jake was still standing, but fighting back tears.

I was certain we were attracting all kinds of attention, and I was right. A lady sitting behind and us whispered loudly "do you have any lotion?". I did not... I hadn't brought my purse. She, Lizzy and I then went on a scavenger hunt in the church, looking for lotion, or something to help pry Jake's knee free. We found a jug of vegetable oil. I poured some into a cup, grabbed some paper towels, and headed back to my son.

I kneeled in the aisle, and dabbed vegetable oil on Jake's knee while Brad tried to pull it loose. Finally, Jake was free. And at that very moment, the congregation broke out in a chorus of "Alleluia". Fighting back laughter, Jake, Lizzy and I headed to the kitchen to clean up the oil on his leg. When we got to the kitchen, Jake said he felt like he was in a movie....the "alleluia" made even him smile.

For the record, mass did not stop during all of this, although I did see Father Gene and Deacon Terry glancing over at us several times. I'm sure they were wondering what in the world the Kerzmans are up to this time. And I'm sure everyone around us had quite the story to tell at lunch that day. Turns out Brad's co-worker Dean had gone to mass on Saturday night...after hearing of Jake's ordeal he vowed to always attend the same service as the Kerzmans.

After mass, I asked Jake what he learned in church that day. His response "don't sit on the end". Enough said.

Make Today the Best Day of Your Life

I do not like funerals. Really, I can't think of much I like less than I like funerals. Yet, too often lately, I have found myself sitting in a church, saying goodbye to someone.

Today, I went Lexi's basketball coach's funeral. Lexi went too. I told her it was what a good friend does (her coach has two daughters Lexi's age, they all played on a traveling team together this year). As expected, it was a super sad funeral. I started crying even before the service started. I was sitting in the pew, watching Lexi's friends Sage and Sierra, and wondering how they will get through the rest of their lives without their mom. Who will teach them to shave their legs? Who will comfort them when their hearts are broken? Who will help plan their weddings? These are all jobs mom does best.

Lexi's coach, Bobbi, fought a good fight. She was diagnosed with lukemia in 2006. We met her last fall, and had no idea she was sick. She was a great coach, loved the girls and loved basketball. She always told Lexi to "be mean" under the basket, and urged her to make herself big and call for the ball.

In March, the team and parents went out for pizza between games. Bobbi told me her back was hurting, she thought she had a slipped disc and was going in for an MRI the next day. The next thing I heard was that she was at the Mayo Clinic, and that her cancer had returned. Less than a month later, the girls played another tournament. Bobbi was there, coaching and cheering just like always. I thought she looked like she'd lost weight, but when I visited with her, she seemed ok. She even offered to drive Lexi to basketball camp this summer, since she was on disability anyway. She had big plans to spend the summer driving her kids to all kinds of activities.

I have followed her Caring Bridge website ever since I learned Bobbi was sick. Last week I was shocked to read that she was dying, not expected to make it through the night in fact. It hit me like a ton of bricks, as did the next morning's entry..Bobbi had died.

It doesn't make sense, and it probably never will, why does God call some people home at such a young age? Bobbi was only 38. At the end of the funeral, one of her brothers in law commented on behalf of the family. What he said turned my tears of sadness into tears of joy. He said Bobbi wouldn't want us sitting around being sad..in fact, he said, she would tell us to "get over it". His closing remark was "Keep smiling...or else Bobbi will kick your butt."

Lexi and I left the church still feeling sad, but also feeling lucky to have met Bobbi. She touched our lives, and Lexi has already decided to dedicate her next basketball season to Bobbi. Her words "be mean" will no doubt help her on the court even more than ever before.

As I close, I ask that you make today the very best day of your life. Enjoy everything. Be nice to people. And hug your kids. That's what Bobbi would want.